Schools and therapists teach mindfulness skills to children because of the many positive emotional, social and intellectual benefits. But what exactly is mindfulness, and why does it matter for kids?
Mindfulness is the ability to focus your mind on the present moment, accept that moment just as it is, and stay centered on that moment rather than being distracted by other thoughts and feelings.
Benefits of Mindfulness
Mindfulness lowers the stress children experience while simultaneously improving their confidence, self-esteem and ability to focus. This, in turn, helps children to perform better academically and to have healthier relationships with their peers. Additionally, children struggling with anxiety, depression, or behavioral issues tend to especially benefit from mindfulness which:
- Lowers stress
- Improves confidence, self-esteem and ability to focus.
- Contributes to better academic performance and healthier relationships.
Mindfulness Explained
Mindfulness can be explained using a horse and rider metaphor. The brain is much like a beautiful wild horse. Just like a horse is created to run fast, the brain is created to generate thoughts over and over, all day long. A horse without a rider will run but may end up running through briar patches and other dangerous places regardless of whether this results in injury.
The same is true of our brains. Until children learn skills to manage their thoughts, their brains generate thousands of thoughts which may or may not be helpful. This is why toddlers pepper their parents with question after question as they chatter on for hours about seemingly random things.
When a horse has a rider, the rider can direct the horse’s strength and energy so it safely runs with purpose. Even though the horse is much bigger and stronger than the rider, the rider is in charge and the rider’s skill, combined with the horse’s power, create a beautiful team that can win races and complete tasks neither could accomplish alone.
When children learn to focus their attention, the same is true—and this is the essence of mindfulness. Mindfulness is a set of skills that allows a child to choose what they focus on and to stay focused on the present moment even when the brain generates thoughts having nothing to do with that moment.
Mindfulness Skills
Observe.
Mindfulness can be taught utilizing the senses. The things children can see, hear, feel, touch, and taste are from the current moment.
Exercise:
Take a minute and try this exercise with your child. Both of you should pay attention to how this activity allows you to let go of thoughts and feelings that aren’t in the present moment and increases your experience of the present moment.
- Find a place for each of you to sit comfortably and fix your gaze.
- Without moving anything (including your eyes), each of you start by naming five things you can see, five things you can hear and five things you can physically feel (like the feel of your feet on the ground).
- Then, without moving your gaze or repeating things you have already said, name four things you can see, four things you can hear and four things you can feel.
- Repeat this with three of each, two of each, and then one of each.
Describe.
Children’s senses bring them into the current moment and make them aware of what is in that moment. The next step is to describe what is experienced.
The information children take in using their senses enters their brain through the limbic system, which takes in the data and creates an emotional, instinctual response. When children begin to describe what they observe, they begin to activate other areas of the brain which help balance the instinctual responses of the limbic system.
Research shows attaching words to sensory experiences decreases the response of the amygdala (responsible for fight, flight, or freeze) and increases activity in the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain which suppresses instinctual responses and makes choices which help children accomplish goals.
Exercise:
Help your child find language to describe what they observe in the present moment as accurately as possible. The act of working to describe things slows their amygdala down which makes emotions easier to manage.
Self-Soothe
As children become more aware of the present moment, they can also begin intensifying positive experiences in the present moment that are calming. This skill, called self-soothing, is something parents instinctually do for infants. Parents respond to a crying infant by rocking them, giving them a pacifier, singing, and swaddling them. Each of these activities intensifies the pleasure infants experience though their senses.
Eventually many children learn to self-soothe on their own by sucking their thumb, holding a favorite blankie, or listening to a specific song when they’re upset. Unfortunately, some children don’t seem to naturally learn this. Other times, parents discourage these behaviors by labeling them as childish or unnecessary.
While children need to modify these behaviors as they grow (probably not a wise idea for a third grader to suck their thumb in class), everyone needs to learn age-appropriate, healthy ways to soothe!
Below are some ways to use each of the senses to calm anxiety or other painful emotions by intensifying positive emotions in the present moment.
See.
- Go for a walk and describe as many things out loud as you can.
- Take a virtual museum tour and describe the parts of each exhibit you like the most.
- Find five different leaves you like and describe the differences between them.
- Blow soap bubbles and watch how far they go.
- Look at pictures in a book you like.
- Watch a calming show.
Hear.
- Listen to beautiful, soothing music.
- Listen to ocean sounds, songbirds or other sounds of nature.
- Listen to a parent/caregiver read a story.
Smell.
- See how many different smells you can find and name out loud.
- Light a scented candle and describe the smell.
- Put on scented lotion.
- Microwave popcorn or bake cookies and describe all of the smells involved.
Taste.
- Take a favorite snack and divide it into small parts. See how long you can take to eat each part. Describe how it tastes and how it feels in your mouth as you eat each part.
- Have a testing test. Taste things and describe each in as much detail as you can. When you have tasted everything, pick your favorite and tell why you liked it.
- Drink a cup of milk, juice or hot chocolate. Hold each sip in your mouth and swish it around gently and then swallow. When you have finished your drink, describe what you liked about it.
Touch.
- Take a bubble bath.
- Take a cold shower.
- Put on a softy, fuzzy shirt or sweater and feel its softness.
- Cuddle up in a blanket (weighted blankets can be helpful for this).
- Rub lotion on your skin slowly.
Mindfulness is a set of skills which must be practiced regularly. By working regularly with your child to be aware of the present moment and do things in the present moment which soothe their emotions, you can help your child learn skills which will help them intellectually, socially, and emotionally throughout their lives.
