Steps Eight and Nine of the twelve-step program go hand in hand. Together, they invite us to look honestly at the harm we have caused, take accountability, and begin the healing process of making amends. While these steps are not always easy, they are powerful opportunities to practice humility, responsibility, and freedom from the past.
Step Eight: Becoming Willing to Make Amends
Step Eight states: “We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”
This step is what I like to call the preparation phase. We sit down with honesty and humility, reviewing our Step Four inventory as a guide. From there, we create a list of anyone we may have harmed—people, places, or situations—and begin the process of becoming willing to make things right.
The word willing is central here. Step Eight is not about deciding what feels easy or convenient, but about putting aside our pride and ego so we can acknowledge where harm was caused. Sometimes this includes financial debts from times in active addiction when we borrowed, stole, or failed to repay what was owed. Other times, it may be emotional harm, broken trust, or hurtful actions we minimized at the time.
How to Begin Step Eight
- Start by writing down the names of people you have harmed, along with what you did and why it caused harm.
- Consider writing a short apology letter as a practice exercise, such as:
- Dear [Name], I was wrong for [harm done]. Is there anything I am forgetting, and is there anything I can do to make this right?
- Review your list with your sponsor. They can help you see where you may have overlooked something or suggest adjustments before you move forward.
Step Eight is about developing the willingness to face our past, no matter how uncomfortable, with the goal of repairing the damage and continuing our recovery journey.
Step Nine: Making Direct Amends
Step Nine builds directly on Step Eight. It states: “We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
This is where willingness becomes action. After creating our amends list, we begin the process of reaching out and making amends. It takes discipline and courage—often more than we expect. Many of us feel fear and anxiety about these conversations, worrying about how the other person will respond.
But as the saying goes, “secrets keep us sick.” Avoiding these conversations keeps us stuck. Step 9 is about taking accountability, keeping our side of the street clean, and doing our part regardless of the outcome.
Tips for Practicing Step Nine
- Break your list into smaller goals. Write out two or three amends at a time, then go and make them before moving on.
- Approach each amends with honesty, but also with a willingness to listen. Making amends is not just about saying our piece—it is also about hearing the other person’s perspective.
- Remember that not all amends will go as planned. Sometimes the person may not be ready to forgive or may share things we had forgotten. That is part of the process of accountability and healing.
Moving Forward
Steps Eight and Nine are rarely easy, but they are deeply rewarding. With the support of our sponsor, guidance from our higher power, and a willingness to keep showing up, these steps allow us to outgrow the shame and guilt we have carried for so long.
No one said recovery would be easy—but it is possible. By practicing humility, honesty, and accountability, we open the door to healing and freedom. This forgiveness journey is not always for the other person, but more for ourselves. When we truly find forgiveness, we liberate ourselves from the guilt and shame we have carried.
My best wishes go out to those of you beginning this journey of forgiveness.
