Supporting Loved Ones in Early Recovery: Resources for Family Members

When a loved one decides to undergo treatment for addiction to drugs or alcohol and becomes a substance use disorder patient, that person’s entire circle of loved ones (including you) is affected and becomes a kind of patient-by-proxy.

Whether you are biological or chosen family to the person in treatment, it’s important to make sure YOU are also getting what you need during your loved one’s recovery process.

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Here are the most important and helpful topics for you to learn when a loved one is in the process of recovery:

Addiction: The Disease Concept.

It is important to understand addiction as a chronic disease that affects the brain, particularly the midbrain where the neurotransmitter “dopamine” plays a key role. In an “hijacked,” or addicted, brain, dopamine pathways are disrupted, reinforcing harmful substance use.

Traumatic life events often help explain the “why” behind addiction. As a result, individuals with substance dependence commonly experience a consistent set of symptoms: loss of control, intense cravings and continued use despite negative consequences.

Healthy Relationships/Communication.

If your relationship with your loved one has been negatively affected by their substance use, it is important for you to self assess your current relationship with him or her and identify what skills/behaviors are necessary for the two of you to rebuild.

Addiction tends to cripple the use of affirming, assertive communication. You may need to learn and practice healthier communication styles.

Trust.

Addiction can shatter trust of self and others, making it essential to heal damaged relationships. It is important for you to learn how trust is built, and why repairing relationships is so important in early recovery.

Understanding the 12 Steps of Recovery.

Having a general understanding of how self-help groups work and what the 12 steps are very important for loved ones of those in recovery. You may want to join Al-Anon Family Groups or Nar-Anon Family Groups to better understand the 12 steps journey, language and ideas. 

Healthy Boundaries, Codependency and Loving Detachment.

Boundaries affect emotions, thoughts and actions within the dynamic of substance abuse. It is important that you gain the skills to give your loved one the freedom to be him or herself and to hold back from the need to rescue, save or fix him or her. You may also need to learn to develop and maintain healthy boundaries in order to ensure your relationship with your loved one is able to thrive.

Codependency is often intertwined with addiction. It can enable unhealthy behaviors, increase relapse risk, and hinder personal growth by creating dysfunctional relationship patterns. Understanding codependency can help you break the cycle of enabling and will also foster healthier relationships with your loved one while empowering your individual needs.

Family Roles.

Understanding just what is happening in a dysfunctional, codependent family relationship is important, especially when addiction or alcoholism is involved. Addiction can interfere with family roles, and in order for the family to heal, “balance” must be restored.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy/Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (REBT/CBT) and Change.

Being able to understand how thinking errors cause you to experience negative emotions and behaviors– and learning ways to identify methods to improve your mood by adjusting your thinking–is an important skill to master.

Guilt and Shame.

When your loved one is struggling with recovery, you will need to learn to identify/process guilt and shame that develops within the cycle of addiction. These emotions affect the emotional wellbeing of an addicted person, as well as their family members.

Mental Health and Addiction.

You may question whether your loved one is dealing primarily with substance abuse or mental health problems. It is important to gain a general understanding of common mental health issues that co-occur with substance abuse such as depression, anxiety, trauma (PTSD), and bipolar disorder.

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Want to learn more about the family dynamics of addiction recovery? Here are a few good places to start.

Read the SAMHSA Family Support Guide.

Family Support Guide is published by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration and provides an overview of what addiction is, what treatment looks like, and the role that family members play in recovery. There are also resources for additional support and support groups in the back of the booklet.

Watch at least one of these videos:

• “Keynote with Dr. Nicole Labor”: 1 hour overview of why addiction is a disease and how it impacts the brain.
• Pleasure Unwoven: An explanation of the Brain Disease of Addiction by Dr. Kevin McCauley.

Familiarize yourself with co-dependency and the importance of healthy communication:

• Co-Dependency | Mental Health America Review for an overview that will help you understand what codependency is and to identify if your family is struggling with this issue. 
• 6 Keys to Healthy Communication. This video offers tips on how to talk to your loved one during the early stages of recovery.

Watch these important videos about coping with shame and guilt:

These videos with Brene Brown provide an understanding how shame and guilt impact all of us.

• “The Power of Vulnerability”
• “Listening to Shame”