Summer break can be a time of joy and freedom for many students, but it can also lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Children and teens are not seeing their peers at school, there may be fewer activities for them to participate in, and friends may be away at summer camp or traveling. The lack of routine and structure can also cause feelings of loneliness and stress.
As a parent, it is also difficult to know if a child is lonely. If a child engages in solitary activities which parents don’t enjoy (like reading a book instead of playing outside) it can be seen as loneliness. Parents can’t also assume that children involved with their peers aren’t experiencing loneliness. The only way for parents to know if a child is lonely is to ask.
What does loneliness look like in children?
Loneliness in children or teenagers doesn’t always appear the same as in adults. Often, children may not have the language or experience to articulate what they are feeling. Or they may feel embarrassed to talk to you about it. The following behaviors can be an indication your child may be feeling lonely or isolated.
Children are not miniature adults—their brains are not fully formed. This means parents need to be aware of the differences between how children and adults experience, express, and respond to feelings of loneliness.
Signs of loneliness in young children:
- Acting extra clingy
- Asking parents to play with them more than usual
- Frequently interrupting parents or misbehaving to get attention
- Creating imaginary friends to replace real ones
- Frequent crying
- An increase in fear when separated from caregivers
Signs of loneliness in teens and tweens:
- Spending an excessive amount of time in their bedroom and/or alone
- Stop interacting with their friends
- Don’t have friends outside of school
- Relying on parents and others in the home for friendship
- Limited social connections beyond school
- Showing signs of depression or sadness
- Talking negatively about themselves (i.e. “I’m stupid,” or “Nobody likes me.”)
Talking About It is Important
It may feel awkward but discussing loneliness—both theirs and times you’ve felt lonely—with children helps them understand that it’s normal, that everyone feels lonely from time to time, and that they are not alone. Taking the time to provide emotional support and allowing them to feel heard and validated will strengthen your relationship and children’s self-esteem. These conversations enable problem-solving, as parents and children explore ways to connect with others and cope with loneliness.
Tips for Conversation Starters
“How are you feeling?”
Begin by asking open-ended questions about their emotions. Encourage them to express any feelings of loneliness or isolation. Reflect back what they say and ask follow-up questions.
“I’ve noticed that ____.”
Sometimes making an observation is a good alternative to questions. So, if you’ve noticed your child isn’t spending time with their usual friends, point that out and let them talk about it.
“What activities make you happy?”
Explore their interests and hobbies. Encourage participation in activities they enjoy, as these can lead to social connections.
“Have you noticed anyone feeling left out?”
Discuss empathy and inclusivity. Encourage them to reach out to others who might be experiencing loneliness.
“What can we do together?”
Propose shared activities—whether it’s playing a game, going for a walk, or cooking a meal. Strengthen your bond while combating loneliness.
Ideas to address summer loneliness
As parents, there are several strategies you can use to help your child make more connections and enjoy a more fulfilling summer.
Structured Activities.
Encourage your child to participate in coordinated activities during the break. They can provide a sense of purpose and social interaction.
- Summer camps
- Sports programs
- Art classes
- Volunteering opportunities
Outdoor time.
Make sure your child spends time outdoors. Fresh air, exercise and exposure to nature can positively impact mental health.
- Take a trip to a local park, nature trail, lake or splash pad.
- Ride bikes together.
- Have a simple backyard picnic.
- Set up the sprinkler on hot summer days.
- Create a scavenger hunt in your backyard or neighborhood.
- Start a family garden.
Limit Social Media Use.
While social media can connect people, excessive use can contribute to feelings of loneliness.
- Encourage moderation and balance.
- Encourage face-to-face interactions with friends instead of relying solely on virtual connections.
Community involvement.
Connecting with other parents and organizing playdates for your child can combat isolation.
- Explore community events, workshops or clubs.
- Look for parent groups, playdates or recreational sports leagues.
Summer school or classes.
Enroll your child in summer school or educational classes. Not only does this provide structure, but it also offers opportunities for learning and socializing.
Library visits.
Take your child to the library for story hours, book clubs, or other age-appropriate activities. Libraries often organize engaging events during the summer.
Family time.
Spend quality time together as a family. Whether it’s a day trip, a movie night, or cooking together, shared experiences strengthen bonds and reduce feelings of loneliness.
Summer job or internship.
For teens who are able, a summer job or internship can be a great way to make new friends, earn some money, and get experience.
Remember that each child is unique, so tailor these strategies to your child’s interests and needs. By providing purposeful activities and fostering connections, you can help prevent summer isolation and loneliness.
By Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services Staff, reviewed by Jean Holthaus, LISW, LMSW.
