Honoring All Emotions After Pregnancy Loss

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Pregnancy loss is a heartbreaking experience for many. It does not matter if the loss occurred early in the pregnancy or later. The pain can feel immense and leaves more questions than answers. As a licensed therapist who has walked with many women and couples through fertility challenges, I want to offer hope, validation and practical support.

Unfortunately, pregnancy loss happens very often for birthing people but feels isolating. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) estimates that 1 in 4 of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. That number may even be higher when including very early losses before someone takes a pregnancy test. Many clients report feeling alone in their grief, often because miscarriage is rarely talked about openly. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that your grief and pain is valid.

Common Emotions Following Pregnancy Loss:

Grief

Feelings of deep sorrow and loss can follow once news of a loss is known. Clients often think about what their child would have been like and the dreams they held for them. The stages of grief can show up at any time and not follow any pattern.

Sadness

Feeling emotionally numb, apathy and intense sadness is common. There is also a hormonal factor in play, and you should be gentle with yourself.

Anxiety

Many patients struggle post loss in their fertility journey with the fear that the loss can happen again, that this will be their only chance for a child and/or that a routine appointment can turn into tragedy. There is a sense of fearing the unknown that now ruminates in their mind and plays on repeat.

Complicated feelings of relief

Often clients may struggle with feelings of relief as these can be complicated. Fifty percent of all pregnancies are unplanned, and people can find relief if they were not planning on a child but also deep sadness for the loss of the child. Life circumstances usually impact the feelings one may have regarding their pregnancy. Worries about their relationship, finances and overall physical health can have a large effect on them. One of the hardest but most important lessons after loss is you can feel more than one thing at the same time.

Ways to Seek Support

1. Find a support group
2. Read books or online articles on hope, grief and loss
3. Seek professional counseling
4. Surround yourself with religious community support

If you’re navigating pregnancy loss, you don’t have to justify your emotions. Your feelings are valid. Focus on taking care of yourself from a holistic perspective, including your physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing if that is important to you. Support groups and individual therapy can also be a good outlet to discuss the emotions you are feeling and to find tools to use for healing.