When you are considering steps to take in recovery, remember that it is human nature to move away from things that are challenging and uncomfortable and gravitate toward the path of least resistance. However, true recovery requires embracing these challenges head-on.
What are you willing to do to stay sober?
Each week when I work with clients in our detox and residential programs, we discuss the question, “What are you willing to do to stay sober?” Participants have shared the following responses:
- I’m willing to not buy alcohol when I go shopping.
- I’m willing to call someone when I need help.
- I’m willing to try to attend 12-step recovery meetings.
- I’m willing to take the medication disulfiram (i.e. Antabuse).
On the surface these are pretty good answers. At this point, I share a quote from author, lecturer and counselor Ernie Larson:
“In solving any problem, it’s not our willingness to do something that makes a difference, it is our willingness to do whatever it is going to take. That’s what makes the difference.”
This speaks to a lot of people pursuing recovery. They have a willingness to do certain things, but not necessarily a willingness to do what is necessary to stay sober.
What is it really going to take to stay sober in the long run?
Next, I tell the group that the first question is only a starting point. Another question to consider is, “What is it really going to take for you to stay sober in the long run?”
As they consider this question, many adjust their answers with the initial question. Here is how the responses changed:
- For the time being, I need to take someone with me when I go shopping to reduce my temptation to buy alcohol.
- I need to call someone every day to check-in, not only when I need help. Establishing this daily habit will make it easier to reach out in times of difficulty.
- I will not try but will commit to attending the AA meetings.
- I will have someone watch me take Antabuse for extra accountability, so I don’t just stop taking it because I want to drink again.
No matter where you are on the recovery journey, in treatment or considering treatment, these general suggestions can help you determine the appropriate steps to take in your recovery and can help with follow-through.
Consult with addiction recovery professionals.
“My best thinking got me here. I should consider others’ ideas for how to change.”
The key to this recovery saying is to consider ideas from qualified individuals and professionals. Family and friends mean well and we need their support, but treatment recommendations need to come from doctors, nurses, social workers, recovery coaches and therapists who specialize in treating substance use disorders. Lean on their experience and expertise when considering the steps you need to take in your recovery.
A good starting point for most is scheduling an assessment at a treatment facility.
Explore and work through reasons for your unwillingness.
If you have sought expertise in the steps you should take, but you don’t seem to be willing to follow the recommendations, then explore and try to work through those. Many times, it is due to a combination of anxiety about attending groups, maybe not being ready to quit or a belief that you don’t need the type of support being recommended. With help and support from an addiction professional, it is possible to move from being unwilling to willing.
Schedule your life around your recovery, utilizing advanced decision making.
Just as you have considered the steps necessary for your recovery, it is important that those actions be scheduled and committed to. This is called advanced decision-making; you decide in advance how you will live your life and not let excuses stop you. These action steps then become “non-negotiable.”
Many recovering individuals struggle when they put other priorities ahead of their recovery program. Some non-negotiables in recovery include:
- Weekly recovery support meetings
- Taking anti-craving medications
- A structured sleep schedule
- Healthy outlets for recreation
- Rest and relaxation
The initial steps of recovery are challenging, but it does get better and easier overtime.
Remember it’s not your willingness to do something that makes a difference, but your willingness to do whatever it is going to take.
