The holidays are here, and that means … well, it all depends. For some, the holiday season may be a purely joyful (albeit hectic) time of preparation and celebration with loved ones. But for people who are grieving a significant loss, the holidays can be a very painful and lonely time when others’ joys–or the remembered joys of past–seasons serve only to deepen the shadows of grief.
Whether it’s been weeks, months, years or decades since the death of a loved one, “grief triggers” may continue to arise on a regular basis—especially around grief anniversaries, holidays and other seasonal landmarks. Grief triggers can be anything: hearing that certain song on the radio, seeing a gift they would have loved, being around people who remind us of them, or trying to imagine engaging in that special holiday tradition without them. These triggers often conjure up memories (both good and bad) which may include deceased loved ones in some way, often bringing along with them a whole host of mixed emotions.
If you or someone you know is grieving a loss during this holiday season, please know that you are not alone. This is a common struggle, and it is normal to experience any number of different emotions all over again, some of which may feel contradictory or “wrong” to us.
When we are again confronted with the loss of the loved person, being reminded of their absence by a grief trigger, we may feel shock, disbelief, loneliness, sadness, fear, pain, regret, anger, resentment, frustration, disappointment, longing, love, joy, tenderness, listlessness, weariness, emptiness, numbness … and the list goes on.
Furthermore, grief not only profoundly affects our lives in the present moment, but it also touches our past and future as well. When we look back to days gone by, we may feel these mixed emotions along with a mournful sense that, for better or worse, those days and memories are solely in the past. And when we envision the days to come, our emotions may mingle with the painful realization that the loved person will not be there to meet them with us, or to play the role in our future that we expected, hoped for, or dreamed about.
Tips for Managing Grief During the Holidays
Adding all of this to the ordinary stressors associated with this time of year, the prospect of getting through the holidays while grieving can be truly daunting. So, to help make it just a bit easier to manage, we would like to offer the following suggestions for your consideration.
Take what feels helpful and leave the rest.
This is your grief journey, and it is as unique as the bond you shared with that special person, not to be compared or measured against anyone else’s losses or grief journeys.
Do what feels right.
This holiday season, give yourself permission to consider doing things differently or doing less this year, if it feels right to you. Or you may decide that doing things the same feels best to you. Whatever you do, honor your limits and be sure to voice them to others as needed.
- Don’t overdo it—set realistic limits and lower your expectations of yourself
- It’s okay to say “no” to things like sending cards, decorating and exchanging gifts
- Consider what practices and celebrations this year honor your feelings, perhaps incorporating memories of your loved one (reminiscing, sharing photos and stories)
Take good care of yourself.
Be extra kind to yourself during this difficult season and take good care of yourself.
- Care for your body with nutritious, protein-packed snacks, lots of water, and some exercise
- Give yourself ample opportunities to rest quietly, even if sleep is a struggle
- Allow yourself to cry whenever and wherever you need to. Crying is coping!
Ask for help when you need it.
Finally, reach out to others for extra support, however this looks for you.
- Lean on friends and family more during this season, let them know what you need
- Talk about your loved one, and your grief, with those to whom you feel connected
- Reach out for extra support through grief support groups or professional counseling
Grief Support Classes & Resources Available at Pine Rest
It’s normal to grieve the loss of a loved one. If you are struggling, Pine Rest offers compassionate counseling to help you.
