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by Robert VandePol, M.S.W.
- Let your son see disagreements being resolved. One of the most common
indicators of whether a divorce is going to occur in a marriage is if
the husband avoids conflict. It's easy for men to do because we have
to be competitive and conflictive all day in the work world.
- Try to model what a "good husband" is—because your
son is taking mental notes on the job description. Demonstrate integrity—teach
it and then behave consistently.
- Pray with your son for your wife and family.
- Let your son see you treating your wife—his mother—with
respect and tenderness.
- Let your son see you sitting down with your wife and talking through
issues together.
- Make sure he sees that you and your wife enjoy being together.
- Teach your son that marriage can be fun.
- Show your son that you value marriage and family, and spend time
and energy to demonstrate it.
- Teach your son to express his feelings and to feel safe in being
vulnerable.
- Help him understand that he belongs to his relationships—his
relationships don't belong to him. In this way he will realize that
what he does impacts other people.
- Help him experience being valued for more than achievement.
While shooting hoops in the driveway with my son and daughter, I noticed
that I tended to coach my son too much, and play with my daughter too
much. I'm trying to correct that by playing with him more because I
don't want him to feel he's valued only if he achieves, and I'm trying
to coach my daughter more because I want her to be motivated and goal-directed.
- Encourage your son to think beyond what he can get from a relationship,
but con- sider what he's willing to give to it. Help him understand
that a marriage made up of two people working together is more than
the sum of its parts: that one plus one equals three.
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