Stages of Marriage

Harriet Witteveen, 69, retired school teacher and homemaker, and Fred Witteveen, 71, retired from an adminstrative position at GM, have been married 46 years. They have three children -- Sheryl, 45, Mark, 41, and Anne, 39 -- and four grandchildren. Both Harriet and Fred have worked at a Christian school in Rehobath, NM, since 1982. Harriet went there aw a teacher. They both served as dorm parents. For a while, they were full-time volunteers and now they volunteer for one semester each year. 

Harriet:  Physical issues have always played a role in our lives and have had an effect on our marriage and family. I'm post polio. Both our son and grandson have cerebral palsy. You accept or reject and go on from there. That's the way life is. It's taken us to places we've never gone. Our son was at Elim in Illinois most of his growing up years, so we became acquainted with a completely different environment. It changes your home environment. Our daughters didn't grow up with their brother, even though they knew they had one. We visited frequently. Something like that affects everything and everyone. 

Today I can say our marriage is a deeper sense of mutual affection that's based on respect, understanding. We have a deeper sense of communication, trust, security, reliability, really knowing each other. I could put the word "deeper" in front of every aspect of our lives. 

Our love is deeper, too. It's not love in the sense that "He's a hunk." You love him when you get up in the morning and you both look like a wreck. We've had a rough few months lately because I've been recovering from sciatic problems. I haven't been the best of companions, but he's there. He not only gives physical support, but I know he's saying, "Hey, Honey, I'm here. I'm not going through what you are, but I'm here. What can I do to help you?" There's a deep reliability, a deep caring. 

Fred:  Harriet's point about physical disabilities affecting us is one that I agree with. It's been an emotional issue for us and for our children as they dealt with their siblings. And having children with such disabilities definitely affects the marital relationship. Without a dependence on the Lord and God's intervention, I don't know how we would have made it. God has made a lot of good come out of what seemed bad. 

Today, I have a sense of security in having a marriage that's lasted 46 years. We can rely on each other because we care for each other. Our marriage  provides good communi-cation. We share things together. I have found my faith strengthened by the mutual feeling we have for each other. What seemed to be love 46 years ago has blossomed into real love and friendship with a fellow Christian.