Pine Rest Blog

Stop Being So Nice


by Grant Porteous, LMSW

So far, there have been no responses to any of the blog spots I’ve posted.  I think of a blog as a running dialogue, a back and forth sort of thing.  Maybe this is all just too agreeable, or doesn’t simply doesn’t need a response – kind of like a marital op-ed piece.  Maybe folks are just sort of saying to themselves, “Oh, well, sure, that makes sense.”  End of story.  Nothing more to say.


Let’s see if we can get some sort of a discussion going.  How about this: based on what I see in my work and in most of the churches I’ve been privileged to associate with, I’ll argue there’s a good chance you’re being too nice.  If we’re really honest, I’ll bet you may worry about offending at least a few certain people and, in the process, you may have stopped pursuing being truly ‘good.’


Good and nice aren’t the same thing.  Jesus was always good.  He wasn’t always nice.  As I’m talking about it here, nice is the individual equivalent of the cultural malaise we call ‘politically correct.’  We get so afraid of offering offense that we fail to offer the truth.  It’s milk when we need meat.  It’s neither hot nor cold.  ‘Nice’ can screw up an otherwise meaningful relationship.  It can lead to collaborating with lies, often unintentionally.  Nice frequently fails to stand up when it’s needed most.


So, during this most wonderful time of the year and as a resolution worth pursuing into the New Year to come, stop being so nice.


Whadda ya think?

Posted by at 9:34 AM


Well, Grant, what you wrote isn't very nice! Actually I'm not sure if the problem is people being too nice ; may the problem is more a matter of caring enough to truly engage with another. When we speak truth so need to do so sensitively. While I understand the criticism of being politically correct, often someone hiding behind "your just being PC" is simply not sensitive to the hurt that can be caused when someone is not sensitive to who you are as a person. Yes we need to speak the truth, but in love.
Posted by Bill Paxton at 11:37 AM on 1/4/2011

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